Little White Lies
Posted Under: conscious living, mind control, workplace success
Little white lies. We have all told them, and probably more frequently than we realize. Lieing, at times, is almost reflexive and may take some effort to avoid. It would almost seem that we humans have been hardwired to use the lie as a method of self-preservation and protection. The opinions of others are linked, almost inextricably, to our perception of our own self worth and self esteem. We often lie to make ourselves appear to be something more than we are, something that we hope will impress others.
From an evolutionary standpoint it all boils down to basic survival. Our human competitive nature and overwhelming urge to place survival ahead of morality causes us to exaggerate our worth, our strength, and even our appearance. This posturing has been a useful survival mechanism throughout our evolution, allowing us to frighten off competition for all the things we need to survive, from basic food and shelter, to the need for cultural and social status. Animals even lie after a fashion, especially when it comes to mating. Males of many species greatly exaggerate their behaviour while they engage in elaborate displays of appearance and aggression, that they would otherwise not bother with, to compete for a mate.
Quite often people would rather hear the lie than the truth. Say you are travelling merrily down the highway one evening with a burnt out car headlight. You are fully aware that it is burnt out, and you are also fully aware that you could be pulled over and fined for this traffic violation; but you go out driving anyway. You look in your rear-view mirror and, surprise surpise, you are being pulled over. When the police officer informs you that your headlamp is out, and askes you if you are aware of it, what do you say? Of course you say, “really, I had no idea.” We tell a little white lie, a story that sounds perfectly legitimate and fits the situation nicely. The police officer is giving you an out, a chance to lie and get yourself out of a ticket. Nobody really wants the truth, that just opens a whole can of worms that no one wants to deal with. The police officer probably has a pretty good idea that you are not being completely truthful but doesn’t really care too much, as long as you present a reasonable excuse for the minor infraction, you are generally let off the hook with a warning to fix that light.
Types of White Lies and Why we Tell them
Lies to spare someones feeling- How does my hair look? Does my butt look fat in these jeans? How are we supposed to answer these questions? What if our fist thought is less than a flattering answer? We lie! It is simply understood that we provide a favourable answer to these leading questions especially if the one presenting you with this most unfair query is your ‘better half’. You had better give the correct answer, or you’re in big trouble my friend. Forgo the bad karma for this one mate! We also lie to spare the feelings of our children when they perform poorly in a sporting event, performance, or if they fail a test at school. We give them a pat on the back and a big congratulations for a job well done even though it wasn’t well done at all. We lie to make them happier.
Lies to Protect - We often lie to our children to keep them safe. My parents told my younger brother that there were ‘pick-up birds’ along the shore of a marsh where my grandfather lived. This story was designed to keep him away from the dangerous steep muddy banks of the swamp, the story was fabricated to keep his very life safe; and it worked. What could be more terrifying than a huge bird coming and stealing you away. Now that I think about it, maybe that story was a bit over the top. He probably has nightmares to this day about those pick-up birds!
Lies to improve our reputation - We tell white lies to make ourselves appear more impressive to those we interact with daily. We may exaggerate our stories at the water cooler or tell the boos we spent 4 hours on a job that really took three to cover the fact that we spent an hour gabbing to our cubicle mate or surfing the web.
Lies to promote- These lies are constantly used in sales. Is there any truth what-so-ever to 99% of television commercials? How can everything be the best, the cleanest, the least expensive or the tastiest? The doctor you see endorsing that laxative is not a doctor at all, she’s an actor! Advertising by it’s very nature is hyperbole, exaggeration and outright untruth. We are so inundated with advertising that we essentially ignore it unless it catches our attention with humor or sex. We tolerate these lies every day, and if we work in the sales we probably promote them. Why do we allow advertisers to lie directly to our face? I don’t know, it’s strange isn’t it?
Lies to avoid repercussions- You slept in and are going to be late for work. What do you say? Do you show up late and admit that you simply overslept and look the fool, or do you make up some story about misplacing your keys or having to take your dog to the vet? Rarley will people admit that they just overslept unless they have a great relationship with their employer. The boss does not want to hear that you are lazy and don’t care enough about your job to haul your butt out of bed and show up on time. The boss needs to hear a reasonable excuse, and then all will be forgotten.
Lies to control and manipulate - When we feel the need to stay in control of a situation we may lie to rally others for support. We have all witnessed how adept political figures can be at this game, some more so than others. We may lie to a friend or a spouse to ‘get our way’, and to ensure that others are falling into line to conform to our way of thinking.
Are White Lies Bad? That’ a tough one. I suppose it depends on your personal determination of morality, what you perceive as right and wrong, and how willing you are to place results ahead of honesty. The usefulness of a lie can be measured against the situation. Does the result of the lie procure more harm than good? If the answer to this is yes, then the lie must be morally correct. This is a question debated heartily among philosophers I am sure. Debatable or not, what remains obvious is the extreme usefulness of the little white lie.
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Reader Comments
Dennis, this is very interesting! I admit I’m guilty of telling white lies sometimes. But intellectually and at heart I think it is damaging. I think it damages your self-respect and personal integrity. There are occasions when they are OK, but I think most of us tell far too many.
Yeah… I do tell white lie at times. It’s just there are some people they cannot accept the truth so we had to be on their favour, like you mention on the first point. Great post.
Good point. Sometime accepting the truth is more difficult. Its an interesting topic.