The Paradox of Winning
Posted Under: conscious living, inspiration, mind control, success, workplace success
It’s great to win! It’s exhilarating to feel that sense of accomplishment and to receive recognition as a winner from your peers. To be admired and envied by those you have conquered, to stand on the podium in first place, not second or third, but first; it’s an experience that we all strive for, and that we sometimes get to live though. Winning is a validation of our preparation and effort: validation from others, and more importantly from ourselves.
But like so many other wonderful things in life, winning is a double edged sword. When we win, we have to beat someone; and when we beat someone, we disappoint someone.
I remember a particular track and field day in public school. I was a really fast runner, and I knew it. I was a sensitive quiet kid and didn’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings and certainly didn’t like to be the centre of attention. I knew that I could beat the popular athletic kid that everyone assumed would win the race, but I didn’t want that kid to be disappointed; he was my friend.
The starting gun went off and I just stayed in second place. I followed the kid who had the reputation as a winner. I let him win the race and he got all the congratulations at the end. But, paradoxically, in a way I felt good about allowing him to win. It was nice to see how happy it made him, and as an added benefit it detracted the attention away from myself. Secretly, of course, I would have liked to win; but if I did win I would have been embarrassed, and the fear of this embarrassment far outweighed the desire to stand atop the podium.
When my own daughters stepped up to the starting line for the big race, my advice to them was this. When you hear that gun go off, put your head down and run as fast as you possibly can to the finish line. Don’t look back and don’t let anyone get ahead of you! If you win, you deserve that recognition and the exhilaration of being the best on that particular day, accept it and all the benefits it bestows on you. If someone is faster, then they get to win that day! Congratulate the winner graciously and realize that your win will come another day.
I have a feeling that many people were like I was as a kid, and unfortunately still are today! They lay down and let others remain ahead of them simply because they are used to being second place.
I sincerely feel that my fear of winning as a child has followed me through my life and has kept me from being all that I can be. It’s really hard to change!
It’s silly to throw the race simply because you will cause someone else to lose, or because you are afraid of the attention. We all get to win sometimes, and we all feel the hurt of losing; that’s life. Its not up to us to make someone a winner by making ourselves the loser.
Of course its not good practice to win by stomping on others or cheating; we have to win fairly and on a level playing field. It’s not really a win if it’s too easy!
