Let Kids Have Their Own Opinion
Posted Under: conscious living, mind control, parenting
Given the choice to be right or to be kind, choose kind. What does being right and convincing someone to sway over to our point of view actually accomplish other than gratifying our ego for the time being? It doesn’t accomplish anything. Most of the time the person conceding to our belligerent assault is doing so mainly to get us off their back, to make us go away. The more we push an opinion on another person without their agreement, the more they are going to resist that opinion.
This certainly applies to raising children, especially teen-aged children. Young teens are in the process of learning to assert themselves and are attempting to eke out an individuality among a superficial, supercritical peer group. When a teenager has an opinion, they deeply identify with that opinion; they invest every ounce of their self-worth into it until that opinion is essentially a part of themselves. When someone tells them they are wrong, or simply disagrees with, or discredits that opinion in any way, it is an extremely personal affront.
It’s nice to have people agree with our opinions, it gives us confidence to know that what we are contemplating in our lives is relevant and matters to someone else. When we disagree with someone we should do so with tact, especially our children. The ego of a child is very sensitive to criticism, especially when that criticism comes from someone they look up to. Too much negative criticism will make a kid ‘clam -up’; and who can blame them if they are always told they’re wrong? Chances are we do agree with our kids most of the time, but we have to tread lightly and be very careful of how we disagree; we have to do so as kindly as possible. We can support them 99% of the time and it will be taken for granted, but that rare 1% where we disagree and possibly humiliate them may be remembered forever!
As we age the importance we place on the opinions of others wanes somewhat as we become more secure with who we are. Abraham Maslow said in his theory of the ‘Hierarchy of Needs’ that, “a fully self-actualized person is one who is independent of the good opinions of others,” however, this is not so easy to accomplish. Through time we generally learn that we are free to think as we please, and to act on our thoughts as we see fit despite the opinions of others; but in the background of our mind there is always some sort of desire for validation.
If our kids have an opinion that we do not agree with what is the harm in allowing them to speak their mind? Maybe we should simply listen. Choose to be kind and forgo being right for the moment. Even if we do not fully agree with their interpretation, we can make a mental note to ease our opinion in at a different time, when no feelings will get hurt. If what our teens are thinking and doing is not endangering them in any way, then why not allow them to have their thoughts and to develop those ideas on their own as they learn.
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Reader Comments
At a young age parents should build confidence in their children, one of the best ways to do this is by letting them speak their mind. By the way, you have cool blog. Keep it up.
You are exactly right. We parents should just listen at times.
Fab writing..and how true…we all have opinions and the only way to know how to be truthful to yourself is to not be afraid to speak your mind and join in a discussion. It may not change your mind but it will certainly make you feel a part of things; that your thoughts and feelings count…and as a teenager, what I would have given to have been taken seriously on so many issues.
Thanks for the comment. We adults certainly need to make sure that we are being attentive and valuing our teen’s opinion.
Once again, great writing!
Not much else to say other than I agree with everything being said in the original content and in the comments. Confidence is very important for maturing and what better way then letting a kid have their own opinions.
Thumbs up!