I Don’t Like What You Like

This post was written by Mylifeswork on January 26, 2010
Posted Under: conscious living, inspiration, religion, success

“You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.” Dr. Suess

Why do people get so offended if you don’t like what they like? I like Baroque music; and you may, or you may not. You not liking my favorite music does not make me like it less, nor does it make me like you less; it’s irrelevant. If I were to say to certain people, “if I ever hear another Led Zepplin tune in my lifetime it will be too soon,” they would get really angry with me. They would be insulted. They would assume that I am placing a value judgement on them based on their choice of music, when in reality, I have just heard too much Led Zepplin.

Why do some people get so upset when disagreed with? Because they misplace their sense of personal validation. Why else would someone assign so much importance to what anyone else thinks? People often feel that when others do not approve of what they like, this disapproval is a negative reflection on their value as a person. Too many people measure their own self worth based on the good opinion of others. Of course it’s nice to have approval, but that should not come at the expense of your own self worth.

You are not me, and I am not you. I can definitely tell you that many people will think that I’m a pontificating, self-righteous, arrogant ass for writing the things I do; and that’s okay. I write because I want to write. If you feel that you derive value from my words, good: if you feel that you don’t, good. I have thought a great deal about how to improve my relationship with the world and the people I share it with. I have probably pondered this more than most normal people ought to, however, in doing so I feel that I have learned a great deal that is worth sharing; so I write it down. If you like it I am happy, if you dislike it I can’t honestly say I’m happy, but it doesn’t really matter very much; after all it’s only thoughts and words. What the reader does with it is up to them. That being said I do feel a twinge of hurt when I get a particularly personal biting criticism, I am only human, but I do actually forget it; I mean completely forget it, put it out of my mind so that it’s gone, irretrievable. I have become very good at forgetting things, too good according to my wife!

We should not disagree with people simply for the sake of disagreeing! We all know contrary people. It seems to be their greatest pleasure in life to play the devil’s advocate in every situation. If you say, “isn’t the sky is a particularly bright blue today?” They will reply with, “no I think its more of a dark blue.” If there is no good reason to disagree with someone, why bother. We should be kind to each other and not instigate conflict for petty differences. We should care about each other, after all we depend on one another for far more than we think. It takes all types of people to build a strong community, it doesn’t just happen. You would not be able to survive without a community caring for you; you would be dead in a month. It takes all of us working together to produce quality of life. You may like tattoos, I may not; but I’m still going to depend on you to fix my car, teach my kids, or set my broken finger. Legally, in our society, all we owe each other is a rudimentary duty of care, which means that we should look out for one another; make sure we at least keep each other safe. But why don’t we develop this relationship, take it another step forward? In reality, if you succeed I succeed, and vise versa. Your achievements cannot harm me or anyone else. Your personal growth can only serve to improve everyone’s life, because when we all work towards improving ourselves, our relationships with others can not help but grow.

I don’t know you, but I do care about you; I care what happens to you. I don’t want any harm to come to you. I want you to be prosperous. I want you to be healthy and happy. I want your family and friends to be healthy and happy, and If I happen to meet you someday going through a doorway I’m sure we would be glad to hold that door for one another. This is good, and this is enough. If we happen to become further acquainted, we would then afford each other a certain degree of kindness which may lead to a friendship. But if we meet and we disagree on something then we may not develop a friendship, and this is okay too, we are all different and when we have nothing in common with someone it is difficult to form a relationship. But should we hate one another for this disagreement? Why is it so important that we agree with each other? Why would one man become angry at another for wearing a headdress, or for not wearing a beard? This brings Johnathan Swift’s satire, Gulliver’s Travelsto mind. We all know the story about the quarrell over which end one should open a boiled egg on and how silly and irrelevant it is; but this is no more silly or irrelevant than the acidic behaviour we witness every day. Racism, sexism, agism; a whole list of ism labels fashioned for one reason: unfounded prejudicial hatred. We need to disagree without the hate.

Personally, I have made a huge step in my life regarding how I feel about what others think of what I like, do, or have to say. I have written quite a few articles here on my blog, all from the heart. I am placing my beliefs out there and my armour is off, I’m open to attack. When I first started writing I’m not ashamed to tell you that I was scared! I got really nervous when I checked my blog for comments and I did get a few negative ones, but it wasn’t so bad and I have already forgotten the details. But more importantly, I have not asked anyone that I know personally for their opinion of my writing. Why? Because, as Maslow said, I have become “independent of the good opinions of others.” If they find my writing useful great, if not, then they didn’t find it useful. Do I want their opinion? No, I don’t. Not because I’m afraid of what they will say, but because it has no bearing on what I will write and how I will measure myself. I will not defend my work against attack because I am not trying to convince anyone of anything. It simply doesn’t matter what others think of what we do. When we criticise and condemn we are doing nothing but defining ourselves as someone who needs to criticise and condemn; that’s all. It’s immensely freeing not to worry about what others will think of your creative endeavors. It allows you to create as you see fit, without barriers: no one to please but yourself!

I write because I feel the need to. My words are my thoughts, simply that. I write because I learn through doing so. If you disagree with my words you are not going to offend me. If I hurt you with my words I apologize. Could my words be dead wrong and totally off base? Yes they could be. Should you correct my facts if you find them amis, or add to my writing through comments if you find my material lacking? Yes you should, and I would be grateful because you would be teaching me, and that is helpful. But your opinion is irrelevant to my self worth and I do not require others to agree with me to feel that my thoughts are valid.

We are part of a community and we need to live, work and play within that community in harmony with one another. But this doesn’t mean that we all have to be the same. We all have different likes and dislikes and that is good. Who cares? Other peoples preferences should have absolutely no effect on how we view ourselves. We are definitely part of a large unit but we will always be alone within it so; like what you alone wish to like, do what you alone need to do, and be who you alone need to be. We must all respect and embrace one other’s individuality.

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