Accepting Negative Criticism
Why is it that we allow what other people do and say affect us so much? Since I have been blogging, which is not that long now, I have met huge numbers of wonderfully supportive people! I take their positive comments and tweets and emails gratefully and humbly and I try to return the favours by commenting back with encouraging words and visiting their websites profiles and blogs as well. It’s a lovely community with hugely positive and inspiring people. Most of the feedback I get is positive, some is critical (which is good it keeps us all honest) but some is not pleasant. Sadly, nestled their like a little cancer amongst all the positive words, it is the nasty generally unfounded comments that become forefront in your mind! Why should someone’s useless comments stick in your mind and serve to sour an otherwise great experience. It brings to mind a funny little saying that I remember from years ago which has always helped me deal with the worthless opinions of others. “Opinions are like ass_oles, everybody has one” LOL. Its a good saying; makes you feel better.
I suppose that when we bare our soul through our writing, and present ourselves naked to the world, we become extremely vulnerable. Things move along quite nicely when you stay small and quiet and don’t step on anybody’s toes. But when you begin to expand and come out of your protective shell of quietude people start to take notice, and when this happens you open yourself up to criticism and outright spitefulness. Some people really do not like to see others succeed and try to cut them down at every opportunity. What purpose would this serve? In the words of Dr. Wayne Dyer, “When we criticise and condemn all we are doing is defining ourselves as someone who needs to criticise and condemn.” It really only serves to harm everyone and everything. Personally, I go to extremes in my life not to criticise. I like to bolster people up and attempt to help them to make the best of themselves and to feel good about themselves. Am I some kind of super-motivator, no. Am I so arrogant as to assume that I have the power to make people happier, no. But what I do attempt to do is support people rather than criticise them. I don’t even correct my children’s spelling! I let them watch me write the word properly and they learn the correct spelling through their own observation and at their own pace. It does me no good to potentially embarrass them or to make them feel small for not knowing. They will learn to spell in time, there is no rush.
Whether our blog writing is ‘good’ or not is irrelevant; everyone has something good to say and they must be allowed to say it. I have read some blogs that are filled with speling errers, run-on sentences and all manner of writing faux pas that have communicated wonderfully inspiring ideas! We don’t need qualifications to create, that’s an absurd notion; people who think so are simply trying to justify their PhD’s. Why waste time picking through people’s writing technique? Nothing bores me quicker than reading some pretentious didactic treatise. I would much rather read an honest account of someone’s thoughts.
I am not saying that we should be all warm and fuzzy and applaud every one’s creative endeavors no matter how abysmal their offerings may be; wait a minute, maybe I am! If someone is honestly being creative we must applaud them, who the hell are we to say what is good! I don’t care if you have a degree in creative writing or dropped out of grade two, if you’re writing something to share good for you! Keep up the good work. We don’t need to “like” anything. If you don’t like something move along, but don’t cut it up for your own ego gratification. I recently attended a high school fundraiser concert where the kids got up and sang and played their instruments for a small crowd of about one hundred people. Some of the kids were really talented and some needed a lot more practice. Most of the people present applauded everyone equally, they wanted to show their support and offer their encouragement; it takes a lot of moxy to get up and sing in front of a crowd. However, I couldn’t help but notice some people not applauding and muttering and snickering to their friends criticising the acts. It was disgraceful behaviour. The mother of one of the kids was sitting nearby and could obviously overhear the noxious remarks. I felt bad for her, she must have been hurt to some degree and for what; to gratify the puny egos of a few self indulgent little people. Later we congratulated her on the performance of her son, she smiled.
We all need to have thick skin when we are presenting our creativity to the world because we are all going to meet with criticism. When we create from the heart that criticism can hurt, however, honest criticism is meant to help. We should welcome the constructive criticism of others who may be wiser and more experienced than ourselves, for this is how we learn; but we must ignore the simple worthless negative comments, for this is not criticism.
Reader Comments
Excellent comments! Blog me back as I would sure like to get some comments (even if it’s criticism) on my own blog and whether you think my blog might do some people some good.
In order to be creative you have to discard your personal protective gear. This unfortunately tends to leave a person vulnerable to the adverse affects of negativity.
By your article it seems pretty clear that you have a profound understanding as to why people choose this method over being positive. With this understanding comes a realization that we cannot change irrational thinking into rational.
To try simply distracts us from who we really are.
People with feelings.
Very good article. I am dealing with a disgruntled person at the moment myself posting comments about my “worthless” blogs. I found it both shocking and an immature attack. I’ve discovered that a lot of bold critical comments tend to come from people with anonymity these days. Our cyber world makes it easy for individuals to type cruel thoughtless words meant to tear down another human without the fear of discovery. I often wonder if we were face to face if such criticism or cruelty would spew from their mouth. Sometimes I doubt it. Looking at another eye-to-eye is an entirely different matter.
With my blog going to print and being sold worldwide, I’m already bracing myself for the negative review comments on Amazon, probably by the same person, but I am also encouraged by the positive already received from supporting individuals. I will focus on what is meant to build, accept thoughtful and provoking criticism to help me grow, but will ignore that which is meant to destroy and discourage me.
If criticism is to be effective, it must be given in the spirit of helping another and building them up by encouraging them to reach a higher standard. Tearing one down needlessly in a spirit of cruelty is not criticism. It’s destructive and immature behavior.
Love your blog and will read often. Glad I stumbled across you on Twitter.
You are absolutely correct. Bashing someone’s work rather than criticising with the intent to help is simple immaturity. Embrace your positive feedback and shut the nonsense right out of your mind. I look forward to reading through your blog!